Holiday Grief Guide
As many embark on their first or 20th holiday season coping with grief, we want to be here to provide support and comfort during a difficult time. Although nothing can heal your scars, we can help you put a bandaid on to avoid your scars becoming deeper during this time. Whether we suffered a recent loss or it’s been some time, the holidays may heighten our feelings of sadness surrounding our loss. This experience is known as an “anniversary reaction,” strong emotional and physical reactions related to important dates such as a loved one’s death anniversary and often major holidays.
64 Tips for Coping with Grief at the Holiday from What’s Your Grief
Do something in memory of your loved one. Go on a walk on thanksgiving in honor of your loved one, as a group or by yourself.
Tell others what you need. People often worry they are going to do or say the wrong thing. They don’t want to make you cry when you want to laugh or distract you when you want to talk about your loved ones. Communicate what you need! Do you need a break? Or a hug? A good cry? Someone to run errands with? A distraction? Let your people know.
Graphic via Grief Refuge
“When I experienced the first “big” grief in my life, I was in high school and it was right before December. I loved the holidays but I was having a hard time finding that holiday spirit amidst the grief. I asked my therapist for help and she said something along the lines of; sometimes you have to fake it till you make it. She told me to go home and hang some lights in my room or put a couple ornaments on the tree. She said that sometimes you have to force yourself to do something even when it seems hard. It was difficult, for sure, but it helped me find a little bit of joy in the holidays, despite my grief.”
A 2021 national poll found that nearly 40% of Americans had no interest in celebrating the holidays due to feelings of grief and loss. You are NOT alone in your grief this holiday season.
It's also okay to skip the holidays! Skipping the holidays this year doesn't mean skipping them forever. Remember that grief comes in waves. “Somewhere down the line, and it’s different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O’Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you’ll come out” (The Loss Foundation).
